I have wanted to share what I have been going through for the past weeks but time and my commitment to my family got the better of me. For those of you who didn’t know – which I suspect is many – my Mom passed away last Sunday night. Her passing was the culmination of a 10+ year battle with a combination of Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease and severe Latex Allergy and while she fought a brave and valiant fight in the end it was simply more than her body could endure. This has had a pretty devastating effect on my family and one that I hope no one else has to endure.

Her illness took someone who was vibrant, active and perpetually in motion and reduced her to someone who could no longer breathe without the assistance of oxygen, who didn’t have the stamina to walk more than a few steps and who was allergic to so many different types of food that it was easier to list what she could have as opposed to what she couldn’t. Especially over the course of the past few years, my Mom’s life was essentially limited to the four walls of her and my Dad’s house. We all did what we could to make her happy and feel like an active and contributing part of the family and for her part she did the same, but there was no doubt that she was limited. Despite her limitations, she ws able to attend both my and my sisters weddings, and was always there for us whenever we needed her. Fortunately, through my help and the help of my wife and my sister Mom became extremely technology savvy so she was able to connect to family and friends over the internet. Definitely not the same as being physically able to go and do things, but it was something and it brought her a lot of joy and happiness. My Mom also had the joy of being able to be an important part of both of her grandchildren’s lives, even if she couldn’t do everything that a normal Grandmother could do. It didn’t mater though. Her grandkids loved her all the same.

I feel extremely blessed that I made the decision to buy the house next door to my parents because it allowed Laura and I to be close to my parents. Andrew, our son, got the opportunity to know and love his grandmother and as he grew older often would go visit her on his own – just to say hi. She treasured Andrew and he her, and that was one of the things that brought her so much joy and happiness even in her most difficult days

So while the past 10 years of my Mom’s life was probably most marked by what she couldn’t do, I am still impressed by how much she did do – most notably for others. Mom’s life up until her illness was dedicated to the care and well being of others. She had been a nursing assistant and then Executive Assistant for the Administrator Emeritus – Dr. Conrad Raker – at the Good Shepherd Hospital for almost 20-years. Here she was an outspoken advocate and supporter for individuals with numerous – and usually severe – disabilities. Where you or I would see someone that was parapalegic or quadrapalegic, suffering from MS, or suffering from a traumatic brain injury she simply saw a wonderful individual. She taught both me and my sister the importance of not judging people by what we saw but in who they were. A life lesson that I carry with me to this day. My mom was also an archivist for the hopsital and had the privlege of maintaining the history of the institution from it’s founding. While not a trained historian, she has a better understanding and appreciation of History, than most people will ever have.

Eventually when her latex allergy became too severe and she could not work in a hospital setting any longer she we on to work for the Center for Independent Living; an organization dedicated to helping individuals with severe disabilities find accessible housing, meaningful employment and get the opportunity to contribute wht they could to society. Yet another position that she was able to touch the lives of others.

From my perspective she did pretty good for a girl with a very humble upbringing who was raised in a small mining town in Southwestern PA.

More recently, despite being so limited, she continued her tradition of caring for others most notably her family. She was a teacher, guide and conscience, a sounding board, advice giver and most notably our friend. She had the patience of a saint and would never judge us, rather she would help us see the error or wisdom in our ways/decisions. She was truly the rock around which the family appears to have been built and the glue that kept us together in the most difficult of times. So much of who I am today is directly attributable to her and her influence and right now I am having a very tough time envisioning life without her. Perhaps the only positive outcome from our loss of such a great woman was the fact that it has brought our family together even more.

Right now I am truly a ship adrift in life…and I am certain that it will take quite some time to get through this struggle. It’s not something that I had expected to experience so soon and definitely not something that i wanted to experience this close to the holiday. It’s been a tough 18-months for me (between the loss of my Mom and Laura’s accident last September) and I am hoping to go into a period of calm and quiet where I can finally find my balance. I am sure I will have so much more to say as I work through this.

Until that point in time just know that I appreciate each and everyone of you and your friendship. That more than anything has helped me through this extremely tough time. As you go through the holiday’s please keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers…and more importantly reflect on your own family situation and give thanks for your parents and loved ones in your own life. It’s so easy to take them for granted…

Update: Thank you to everyone who has asked where to send flowers/cards etc. I truly do appreciate the offer and kindness. One of my Mom’s final wishes was that she have no flowers, etc. and that gifts should go to something more practical. She loved her grandchildren and asked my Dad to establish a trust for Andrew and my nephew, Coles’, education. She valued and appreciate the importance of higher education and felt that it would be the best way to remember her and leave a lasting legacy. If you were considering sending flowers, etc. Please consider taking whatever you would have spent and contributing to the fund instead. The details are as follows:

Bonnie Sabol’s Grandchildrens’ Education Fund
c/o Allentown Federal Credit Union
1325 Oxford Drive
Allentown, PA 18103